Create a kid-friendly dog before the new baby arrives
By Dr. Marty Becker
April 16, 2010
Seeing our children grow up with animals created some of the best and brightest of Teresa’s and my memories. Mikkel has even made working with animals her life’s work, and made sure her daughter, Reagan, is growing up surrounded by family pets.
But a lot of parents don’t want their children to have that experience, and that’s a shame — and a danger.
It’s not just the increased risk to a child’s health if she or he grows up in a germ-phobic, pet-free home. It’s also that it cheats a child out of that special, amazing non-judgmental sympathetic ear, the kind only a pet can lend.
It’s also the loss of the world’s best model of truly unconditional love.
And it’s something else: that children who grow up without pets are going to find it harder to interact safely with them later on — a problem my grand-daughter, Reagan, pictured above with the family Pugs, Willy and Bruce, won’t have to deal with.
That doesn’t mean parents don’t have to do their part. They need to make sure their child grows up knowing appropriate ways to interact with the family pets, and also make sure the dogs know how to be part of a family that includes babies or children.
A few years ago, I talked to a dog owner named Bridgit LaCombe, who was expecting her first child and was worried about how her mixed-breed dog, Lizzy, was going to react to the family’s new bundle of joy.
“With your first child, you never really know,” she told me. “I was afraid that Lizzy would harm the baby out of jealousy, because Lizzy was always my first baby.”
Instead of making the mistake too many new parents make and giving up on their relationships with their pets, LaCombe bought “Preparing Fido,” a CD of baby sounds like craying, babbling and even screaming.
“The first time she heard the baby sounds, Lizzy’s ears went straight up and she ran directly to the stereo, barked, and put her paws on the speakers as she tried desperately to find the little creature making these noises,” LaCombe said. “But after listening to the CD for several weeks, Lizzy became calm and accepting of the sounds.”
Dr. Nicholas Dodman, a veterinary behaviorist at Tufts University, gives a thumbs up to getting the family dog used to the idea of a new baby before mom’s due date.
“More pushy, dominant dogs sometimes get their noses bent out of shape by the competition for attention that necessarily follows the newcomer’s arrival,” he said. “Fearful dogs may need to be coaxed to accept the screaming bundle, whereas dogs with high prey drive have to be watched carefully for the first few days until they clearly identify the new arrival as family.
“The good news is that dogs’ natural instincts are to protect a new pack member — and that’s what the new baby will represent to them.”
I wish it didn’t take anything more more than listening to a CD to get a dog to that stage, but it does. Pet owners need to sign up for a dog obedience class, or at least spend some time making sure the dog’s training hasn’t gotten rusty.
If the word “obedience” isn’t in your dog’s vocabulary, or you have concerns about your ability create a blissful mixed-species family, “And Baby Makes Four: A Trimester-by-Trimester Guide to a Baby-Friendly Dog” by Penny Scott-Fox provides something of a boot camp for dog-owning parents-to-be.
There’s also Dogs and Storks, a program that prepares families with dogs for life with a baby.
Those are great steps to take before the baby arrives, but here’s the biggest one for after: Be sure to closely supervise all dog-child interactions, and never leave the baby alone with the dog. That’s a tip that will ensure your story will have a happy ending.
Which is exactly what happened to LaCombe and her family. She found that after a little work on her part, her dog, Lizzy, and her daughter, Alexandra, ended up becoming the best of friends.
Another great book for parents and parents-to-be is Colleen Pelar’s “Living with Kids and Dogs … Without Losing Your Mind.” http://amzn.to/bhLsDQ
Comment by Susan — April 16, 2010 @ 6:22 am
I’m sorry, did Nick Dodman just invoke the dreaded D-Word?
Earthquakes, meteors, volcanoes — and now the world really is coming to an end. I shall sit back and watch. Maybe the Cubs will win the Series first.
Oh — I’m a huge fan of Childproofing Your Dog by Brian Kilcommons.
I hesitate to provide this link; the main story is so grim, so gruesome, so depressingly predictably tragic — but there you have it, how NOT to have a baby and a dog. (Step one — don’t move in with the violent criminal Daddy before you are old enough to drive …) But of particular interest — the nearly as horrifying presentation of “baby-preparation for dog” advice at the end of the article.
http://www.tampabay.com/news/p.....th/1087804
Comment by H. Houlahan — April 16, 2010 @ 6:43 am
Ditto on the Kilcommons book. As for the advice from the Louisiana veterinarian? “Snatch” food away? Good luck with that!
Comment by Gina Spadafori — April 16, 2010 @ 7:24 am
I hope new parents will also add some child training as well as dog training to their household routine. It’s a wonder that some dogs will put up with as much ill-mannered and even painful behavior as they do from small children. A child that is old enough to talk is old enough to learn not to hit, pinch, tweak or otherwise harass the family pets - another reason to supervise child-pet interactions!
Comment by Maria Shanley — April 16, 2010 @ 8:22 am
Wow, Reagan is growing fast! How about a new baby and cats book? :)
Comment by Jason Merrihew — April 16, 2010 @ 9:38 am
Nice Dr Becker! Many local hospitals now offer low cost prepare your pet for baby classes. I see so many adults who are not mentally prepard for their kids dogs because they were not around dogs as kids. So many people have said to me…”I am afaid…I was bit as a child”. I was bit square in the butt at 6 years old, when it was the last thing over my neighbor’s fence. I still remember being more afraid of getting in trouble for teasing the dog than the GSDs who chased me over. The way my animal loving parents handled it only led to fear of what would happen to me from them, if I went back in that yard.
Comment by Nancy Freedman-Smith — April 16, 2010 @ 9:43 am
Maria, one of the great things about Colleen’s book is that she addresses both the dog and kid side of the equation. I can’t recommend it enough.
Comment by Susan — April 16, 2010 @ 9:58 am
Our children grew up with a house full of rescue dogs coming and going. They learned to Respect the dog and vice versa.
We have never had an incident with any of the kids or the multiple dogs that have graced our doors for rehabilitation and then adoption.
Comment by GWP Rescue — April 16, 2010 @ 5:45 pm
Very good resources meant to add that. I am perplexed to why this is an issue at all. But good to have them in my files for adopting families having their first child.
Our last child came when I was nearly 40 years old, and I do remember bringing the blanket home with the scent of the baby. The dogs were not allowed to enter the nursery, but waited patiently at the door observing. Now the cat kept getting into the crib, which gave my husband absolute fits….I think he then went to college with my son whom was the cat’s person…
Comment by GWP Rescue — April 16, 2010 @ 5:50 pm
Such an important topic. I had a little foster puppy, not very confident and very fearful, and she was adopted out to a family with YOUNG children (I wasn’t involved in that decision). Tragic ending - the youngest children were rough and Maggie reacted by biting one of them. Maggie was returned to the humane society and pts. It didn’t need to happen that way!
Comment by catmom5 — April 17, 2010 @ 6:00 am
I wonder how many of the people who ditch their dogs and/or cats when the baby arrived thought of the pet as a “substitute child” and then when the real McCoy arrives, suddenly there’s no place for the placeholder? That’s a problem, as I see it, with thinking of our pets as our children/babies.
I think it’s good for kids to be exposed to animals. I’m grateful to have grown up with dogs, cats, guinea pigs, fish, and a pet rat (who was wonderful). Kids who grow up with animals know how to interact with them. I surmise that they are less likely to dump a pet at a shelter at the first sign of trouble.
I also surmise that kids who have seen a puppy being trained are less likely to think that the Training Fairy will swoop down and make their puppy a good canine citizen.
Comment by CatPrrson — April 17, 2010 @ 4:31 pm
I wonder how many of the people who ditch their dogs and/or cats when the baby arrived thought of the pet as a “substitute child” and then when the real McCoy arrives, suddenly there’s no place for the placeholder?
Comment by CatPrrson — April 17, 2010
Yes, I’m sure it happens; in fact, I know some pets are rehomed after children arrive. But it’s not the majority but any means, and many times better preparation and education could mean the difference. It’s not as if people get a pet saying, “Let’s practice on this, and when we get ‘real children” we can throw it away.”
More likely that people get overwhelmed, lack knowledge and need support. And that sometimes, yes, they need their pet rehomed.
Which is what shelters are supposed to be there to support. To SHELTER pets, you know, not blame and hate people who need to get help. And kill their pets with righteous indignation because “no one else cares enough” to do the killing.
Which is, of course, PETA’s line. And I don’t buy it. There are people who are evil, bad, lazy, ignorant and uncaring. But they are the minority. Those aren’t “crocodile” tears you see when pets are given up — they’re real ones. And they might not have been needed with education and support, instead of condemnation and superior attitude.
Comment by Gina Spadafori — April 18, 2010 @ 6:47 am
Gina, I remember reading about a woman who I wished could have gotten that education and support, in a local column: She’d just had twins. Her husband all of a sudden left her. She was desperately looking to rehome her three cats because, understandably, she just couldn’t deal. As it was, I wasn’t in a position to take in three cats (I already had four at the time) but I hoped that she could find some sort of bridge fostering, or help and support, or at least someone to take her cats…even without the cats, being dumped by your husband after the birth of twins would send anyone reeling.
A good shelter can/should do a lot to help someone in this situation.
Comment by CatPrrson — April 19, 2010 @ 9:12 am