Do you like this story?
Can you love a pet too much?
By Dr. Marty Becker
January 5, 2010
I travel all over the country talking about what I call “The Bond,” that amazing connection between human and animal that every person reading this understands.
But not everyone gets it. Way too many folks ask why we spend the money we spend on our pets’ food or toys, considering their needs when buying a car, or making arrangements for them when we’re on vacation or sick. Or why I sleep on six inches of mattress, and my wife Teresa on another six, and the dogs get the rest of the bed.
It’s not because we are “spoiling” our pets. It’s because a pet is what I like to call a life-support system cleverly disguised as a pet. Our pets keep us active, they keep us emotionally connected, and they’re sometimes the only thing that lets us re-charge enough to really be there for our families after an exhausting day at work.
Exactly who is it that races across the front yard to greet me when I get home? I’d like to say it’s my wife of 31 years, but it’s the dogs. And I can rub their ears and bellies, and see them do their four-footed dance of joy, and it makes the tension of my day at the clinic, or my endless hours on planes and in airports, drain away.
Now, yes, we can “spoil” our pets by forgetting what makes them healthy and happy, by feeding them junk food or not getting them up off the sofa and out for a run.
But to value them? To honor the great contribution they’ve made to our happiness and that of our families? To be aware of, and grateful for, the incredible gift of stress management and emotional decompression they so effortlessly give us?
That’s not spoiling. That’s just paying it back.
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I’ve been going through a rough period lately, including panic attacks, and my dog has been a major help in grounding me, interrupting the panic attacks—and preventing me from just going to bed and staying there. She provides emotional connection and grounding in herself, and she also keeps me moving and keeps me meeting and talking to other people every day.
She’s well worth every cent I spend on her food, her treats, her toys, her cold-weather gear, and her vet care.
Comment by Lis — January 5, 2010 @ 12:07 pm
There’s a Native American Tale where the animal kingdom and men are separated forever by a great divide - (animals on one side - humans on the other) it is dogs turn to jump across the divide and be with the other animals - he crosses over but looks at man alone - dog jumps back to live forever with man.
Dog is a human’s soul mate for life.
Comment by Snoopys Friend — January 5, 2010 @ 12:15 pm
My eldest brother is by no means a ‘pet person’. He never understood my fascination with dogs, why I preferred their companionship over that of most people.
A bit after my mother passed away about two years ago, he was going through some tough times emotionally and bought a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel puppy. Ostensibly ‘for the kids’ who had been hounding him for years.
I kinda laughed when he told me, I could never envision him with being bothered to own a pet, let alone love one and I chided him about it.
He confided in me that when he came home from work after a long day, and the wife was in the office on a conference call, the youngest was too engrossed in his video games and his eldest was doing his best James Dean impression, that the one think he could always count on was the smiling face of his pup and how she was always glad that he was home.
I guess he finally understood.
They just got another one “for the kids”.
Yeah, right….
Comment by Linda Kaim — January 5, 2010 @ 12:41 pm
This post is so true… by nature I am rather shy and sedentary… but with a dog, I look up parks and trails we can visit, and started walking through my neighborhood regularly — things that, to be honest, I wouldn’tve done alone. She’s added a lot of happiness to my life, I don’t think it’s ‘spoiling’ to want to give her good things in return.
Comment by Pai — January 5, 2010 @ 3:08 pm
My dogs are my life. They give so much of themselves for me at dog shows and agility trials but most recently, they have kept me going when a huge obstacle in my life almost made me give up on a lot in my life. The love I give them in return does not even scratch the surface of how much they have given me. So, the sky is the limit for them. I will even drive 200+ miles and pay for a stay in a motel just so my oldest Flat-coat can dock dive just for the fun of it.
Comment by Jill — January 5, 2010 @ 3:29 pm
Great post! Everyone is mentioning dogs, but I have to shout out for my cats too! :) I haven’t had a dog as an adult, but I’ve had and have cats. They are my buddies, just as much I imagine, as a dog would be. They don’t add the social aspect that a dog would - taking them places is less than happy for me or them! But, they are my companions, healers, and I love them as much as I love almost any human (except my husband - who loves the cats as much as I do!)
Comment by Tammy — January 5, 2010 @ 4:20 pm
I don’t like public appearances — book-signings and such. Like many writers, I’m a tad hermitty, I guess!
When my first book came out (Dogs For Dummies, 1994), I had a wonderful big-hearted retriever named Ben. He was a pet-writer’s dream dog. He was well-mannered, handsome, sweet and did tricks. He was utterly calm and safe in every situation, and was often mistaken for my service dog because he wore a backpack to book-signings and other appearances. He loved everyone.
But more than anything else, having Ben with me — his thumping tail, his sweet expression, his big heart — helped ME. With him there, I could relax and enjoy myself.
He was a great dog, and I could never love him too much because I never could give him as much as he gave me. He gave me everything he had, always.
Good dog, Ben.
Comment by Gina Spadafori — January 5, 2010 @ 4:24 pm
I told Sha-Sha yesterday that when she leaves my heart will shatter into tiny pieces.
Comment by VJ — January 5, 2010 @ 4:47 pm
There was a documentary last year (PBS?) that explored biochemical underpinnings of the human-pet relationship which has evolved through successive generations. We’ve become socially hardwired to each other. However, I don’t know how to account for people who don’t *get* the human-pet relationship. Maybe they’ll be de-selected in the evolutionary path. Sounds good to me!
Comment by David S. Greene — January 5, 2010 @ 7:30 pm
Back in October, the sudden loss of my youngest dog has just devastated me and left me fighting the curse of self blame. I am still grieving over his death. However I have 5 dogs still living, all of whom have risen to the occasion and done their damnedest to fill his void with love and humor. I bless them and thank them every day.
David, I agree with you. Anyone who doesn’t get “it” ought automatically win a Darwin Award!
Comment by Anne T — January 5, 2010 @ 8:58 pm
License pets… or Owners…or Both?
According to the various animal associations and U.S. government figures, there are 60,000,000 dogs, 50,000,000 cats and millions of birds, hamsters, mice, rats, snakes, lizards, tigers, and other pets in the U.S.
If a free society offers rights of ownership to it’s citizens, which apply to everything from homes to cars, to pets, why not make the licensing and responsibility structure an integral part of the rights of citizenship?
Maybe we are doing it backwards.
If we license the right to own a pet, in addition to and preceding the right to license and obtain the actual animal, and make that license commensurate with the attendant responsibility and incidents of ownership, might we have a better system?
And, more importantly, wouldn’t the licensing process establish standards of care and community responsibility, which would allow us to hold owners responsible for consequences? In a free society, rights are supposed to be mutually balanced with the responsibility to care for and protect those rights, along with the concept of respecting the rights of your fellow citizens.
Owner licensing is commensurate with the tenants of a free society including “user fees” that allow management and enforcement. Owners and individual animal fees allow the hiring of necessary enforcement personnel, and maintenance of the infrastructure to manage the process.
Setting community standards, including owner responsibility, could and should include insurance against the actions of the pet. No insurance, no pet ownership license. We don’t allow a driver’s license without proof of insurance, why should we allow other “citizenship” rights without the necessary licensing process? For example, the liability insurance for a bird or a mouse, might be $1.00 or $2.00 annually; for a pit bull or other aggressive breed, $50.00 or $100.00 annually. Some part of those licensing fees could be used to set up an injured persons fund, similar to what we do for crime victims. Also, a reward could be offered for information leading to discovering illegal and unlicensed animals and owners.
Obtain a pet illegally and get caught? Sell a pet without a license?
Animal is destroyed; owner forfeits right to future animal licenses and ownership, and may be subject to fines and jail time. Animal injures another? Then the owner is personally responsible for damages. Catch an unlicensed animal on the street or through the enforcement process? Confiscate the animal and prosecute the owner.
No insurance? Felony jail time plus unlimited personal responsibility if convicted when animal injures another animal or person. If a dog gets loose and bites or kills someone, then the owner is responsible for medical bills, even felony prosecution where warranted. Who says that owners have a right to train pit bulls and other breeds and even other animals, to maim and kill, to fight?
With over 125,000,000 pets in the U.S., the time has long passed for a more comprehensive animal ownership structure which protects society and animals.
Comment by Barry Dennis — January 5, 2010 @ 11:02 pm
Yes, Barry, because by all means let’s make sure only the wealthy can own pets, and that animals are “destroyed” to punish their owners.
Heaven protect me from ever, every living in whatever world it is you inhabit.
Comment by Christie Keith — January 5, 2010 @ 11:13 pm
Barry, the word that describes your ideal world is “totalitarian”. Count me out.
Comment by LauraS — January 6, 2010 @ 12:15 am
Well said, Dr. Becker!!
I’m joining Christie and avoiding Barry’s animal-unfriendly world. The biggest problem with making more and more laws against responsible owners is that you lose more good homes for animals; and make no impact against the abusers who care nothing for laws, responsibility or compassion in the first place.
Comment by Perri — January 6, 2010 @ 12:16 am
I have 2 dogs and a cat and some hens. I love my animals- I grew up without animals and will never go back to that place. My step-son is autistic and he has finally connected with them - the joy of seeing him learning to respond, they watch over him. There are so many things played out in the relationship with them - love, responsibility, unselfishness, joy, affection, loyalty - I learned alot about myself from the way I am with Simba and Nala and Mason and the way they are with me. The way they respond to people teaches me more intuition - I cannot express how much I love them. Too much? There is so little love in the world and animals are the first step towards learning how to do it! To give is to receive back multiplied - to see people not relate to animals, be frightened of them , dislike them even, scares me.
Comment by Alison — January 6, 2010 @ 5:29 am
Back to poli-sci 101 for you, Barry.
A “free society” does not “license” a “right.”
Comment by H. Houlahan — January 6, 2010 @ 7:24 am
Barry,
Your idea sounds a bit extreme to me.
There are already community standards and laws addressing proper care of animals.
And there are some types of insurance around already that cover bites — ie, homeowners’ insurance.
I guess I’m puzzled about the need for an entirely new industry to address a problem that, in my mind, doesn’t exist.
I’ve been around dogs my entire life and never suffered a major injury from one and I’ve never known anyone who has. It might be different if this were a common occurence.
And I don’t read anything in your post about protecting animals, really … it’s all about financial compensation to victims.
Plus there are already licenses required for some pets. If you take my dog away because he doesn’t have a license, I’ll just go get another dog.
And felony? You are going to put me in JAIL for having a dog that wasn’t licensed? Meanwhile there are some nasty dangerous people being let out of jails … one just shot and killed a young cop where I live.
Comment by Mary Mary — January 6, 2010 @ 8:17 am
Hear, hear, Dr. Becker!
And, Barry: “Why should we allow other citizenship rights without the necessary licensing process?” Well, because, unlike driving, rights are RIGHTS. Sheesh, dude, it’s odd that anyone even needs to explain that. How about a license for your privacy? Exactly. As for your take on pets and owners, wow. Destroy the hapless animal that happened to be acquired “illegally,” through no fault of its own? And this is somehow an improvement?
Comment by Glenye Oakford — January 6, 2010 @ 9:41 am
If we’re going to a society that will require a license to own a pet, I’d vote for one that would require a license to have a child instead…
Comment by Tammy — January 6, 2010 @ 9:42 am
If we license the right to own a pet, in addition to and preceding the right to license and obtain the actual animal, and make that license commensurate with the attendant responsibility and incidents of ownership, might we have a better system?
Comment by Barry Dennis — January 5, 2010 @ 11:02 pm
Ooooo - what an effective way to reduce and eventually extinguish animal ownership and all relationships between humans and animals!
Which is your mission - right,Barry? If not, you are doing a helluva a job in appearing as though it is.
elaine
Comment by elaine — January 6, 2010 @ 11:15 am
Dogs can be very therapeutic, and they have a sixth sense for knowing when a person needs special attention. My mom had a stroke last year and my shelties Falisha and Nadia just layed their heads gently on her knees and stayed real close to her whenever she was over after she was recovering. Many also seem to know to be very gentle with the very young. I had a dog who was sometimes cranky and nippy with older kids and adults, but was extremely nice and gentle with babies and toddlers. They have an uncanny ability to sense when something is wrong as well. I couldn’t imagine life without dogs!
Comment by Kimberly Helgeson Sams — January 6, 2010 @ 11:45 am
I don’t think licensing people will eradicate pet ownership - licensing people would just be another burden and tier of bureaucracy that will not work and would muddy the waters and make us pet owners jump through more irksome hoops. Licensing pet owners would probably unfairly penalize the poor who benefit from helping and loving their pets.
Barry seems more concerned with the harm pets do than the good. So making pet ownership more difficult would lessen the harm to humans in general - not true. There would still be bad owners who let their dogs get into trouble. These bad eggs would just dig in deeper underground and be harder to find and mishaps and accidents would still happen. Mostly it would hamper and hurt those that love and care for their pets - the miscreants would still be trouble.
We can’t license good behavior into existence and creating more licenses and fees and fines still won’t phase those that don’t give a rats hair about doing what is right. It will just make those who obey the rules ticked off and in response pass laws to overturn burdensome licenses.
Comment by Snoopys Friend — January 6, 2010 @ 11:49 am
My cats have a special bond with me—need I say more.
They keep me well-exercised, well-rounded (I am not thinking about myself and my problems so much), and socially active (with pet stores, petconnection blog, and other pet owners.
I just love cats, any kind, anywhere. Dogs are great, too, but I just love those darling felines. In other words, you could call me cat crazy.
Comment by Colorado Transplant — January 6, 2010 @ 11:50 am