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Stories most veterinarians would probably rather not tell… but I will
By Dr. Marty Becker
January 2, 2010
The next time you meet one of these veterinarians who acts like he’s so mighty and powerful and all-knowing that you can’t dare to question him about anything, you might want to whip out this video Veterinary Economics magazine just posted of my three most embarassing “ooops” moments in veterinary practice.
Doesn’t get much more glamorous than this, right?
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Life of a trainer is pretty glamorous to. I had a foster dog drip diarrhea in my best cobalt blue silk jacket pocket and I didn’t find it until I reached my hand to for a tissue and dripped it on back out. So flipping gross. The poor thing had been traumatized when she was passed over to me from a shelter working in y driveway. The dog was here because she was terrified of women and she turned out fine, but I trashed the jacket.
Comment by Nancy Freedman-Smith CPDT — January 2, 2010 @ 8:25 am
The dog was here because she was terrified of women and she turned out fine, but I trashed the jacket.
Comment by Nancy Freedman-Smith CPDT — January 2, 2010
Ewww … good call, Nancy!
I’m reminded of a line from one of Susan Conant’s mysteries, something like: “True “dog people” are those who can talk tapeworms at cocktail parties without choking on their brie.”
Comment by Gina Spadafori — January 2, 2010 @ 8:43 am
If you’re emotionally invested in your kids and your animals, their bodily functions just don’t gross you out that much. You shrug your shoulders, clean up the mess and don’t worry much what anyone else thinks.
Comment by C.L.H. — January 2, 2010 @ 8:54 am
Having worked at a Veterinary Hospital, I have seen what you speak of. The anal gland lady story is a 10!! I think I would have been laughing too hard to help her to the ladie’s room. Now, how about pranks pulled on the staff? We did so many things I still sit back and laugh. One I recall is when the owner/Veterinarian of the hospital had a cup of apple juice (you can see where this is going). She was in the lab area and set it down like it was a sample to be checked. The vet tech was standing next to her. The Doctor took a swig of the “sample”, set down the cup and said in a deadpan voice “hmmmmm, no crystals, but it may be the start of a bladder infection” The look on the tech’s face was priceless. It went from appaling to OMG to I think I am going to gag. I miss those days. LOL
Comment by Jill — January 2, 2010 @ 9:38 am
Oh, I heart Susan Conant. If memory serves: “Dog people have seen it all, and cleaned it up off the floor afterward.” I’m here to testify that horse people and livestock people can also discuss parasites while enjoying a good meal.
Comment by Luisa — January 2, 2010 @ 12:01 pm
C.L.H I have 3 kids and still gross out cleaning their puke. I would rather clean a dogs. :) But your right, it is a labor of love. Gina, it just figured that of all the smoutzy doggie clothes I own, Callie nailed the gorgeous cobalt blue silk jacket. My kids nearly wet themselves laughing by the way.
Comment by Nancy Freedman-Smith CPDT — January 2, 2010 @ 12:16 pm
Watching a bitch eat a placenta while you down a quick sandwich between puppies… good times…
Comment by Christie Keith — January 2, 2010 @ 1:29 pm
LOL Christie!!! yup and there’s that…
Comment by Nancy Freedman-Smith CPDT — January 2, 2010 @ 2:13 pm
Nice shout-out for you from Dr. Oz today, Marty!
http://www.dogtipper.com/tip/2.....years.html
Comment by Christie Keith — January 2, 2010 @ 4:07 pm
“The look on the tech’s face was priceless. It went from appaling to OMG to I think I am going to gag.” Comment by Jill — January 2, 2010 @ 9:38 am
Absolutely hysterical. I was half-gagging through my tears of laughter while reading it. LOL!
And Dr. Becker’s anal gland story is a classic “note to self” moment for cat and dog owners everywhere. That’s a ten in my book, too! :{}
Comment by A.C. — January 2, 2010 @ 4:17 pm
my dog rolled a bone in a bunch of shavings.. much like a breaded pork chop.. well it went in fine .. not so great coming out.. so off to the vet .. we put him in a tub.. and ran in the warm water enema.. while we were waiting for it to to do its magic.. someone came in with a nice hot pizza.. so we each had one hand on the dogs rear parts.. and slice of pepperoni in the other,…
Comment by bestuvall — January 2, 2010 @ 4:35 pm
Jill,
I rarely laugh that loud at something I read. Thanks!
Comment by Mary Mary — January 2, 2010 @ 4:47 pm
Let me tell you a story about a day when I brought in a teaser bitch to help a repro vet collect some semen for an AI… on second thought, never mind.
Comment by Christie Keith — January 2, 2010 @ 5:00 pm
Oh, finish the story, Christie, do! *chuckle*
I helped a couple of times in similar scenarios involving horses, but was never lucky enough to witness a funny happenstance. Some scary ones, sure, but funny? Not so much! (A horse’s hooves never look bigger than when they belong to a stallion screaming his dominance as he rears up and flails the air in challenge to all and sundry.)
Comment by A.C. — January 2, 2010 @ 5:26 pm
Several of us used to delight in talking intestinal worms and diarrhea, at lunch, in front of a long-ago editorial director at Bowtie, who was not an animal person (except for being a hunter). Grossed him out every time.
Comment by Kim Thornton — January 2, 2010 @ 5:57 pm
I think some of us animal artists could hold our own at dinner table gross-outs, like how cool it was to watch hyenas and vultures stick their heads into the body cavity of a zebra carcass, tear it apart and run off with the pieces.
I remember a hyena playing toss and catch with a wildebeest’s head when I was in Kenya in 1999.
Oh, and elephant dung. Do you have ANY idea how MUCH there is in just ONE pile?
Comment by Susan Fox — January 2, 2010 @ 8:35 pm
My dad owned a medical lab and one of his best friends was a mortician. I guess they cleared all adjacent tables in a nice restaurant one evening. Anyone who was in earshot of the conversation got up and left. The topic of dinner conversation in our house was usually what went on in the lab that day. Fun stuff!
Comment by C.L.H. — January 3, 2010 @ 12:55 am
After reading this column, I feel like skipping my breakfast, rather than picking it off the floor afterwards. Ughhhhhhhh!
Comment by Colorado Transplant — January 3, 2010 @ 8:09 am
These were funny stories. My vet talked about the time that he was checking out a little dog on the table and lifted his leg to make sure it was working and the dog peed right after he lifted that leg. The owner was horrified and he couldn’t stop laughing. He said “I guess this is the one that lifts when he has to go”.
Comment by CByers — January 3, 2010 @ 1:13 pm
More “Gross Anatomy” tales:
My husband, when he was a little boy, was eating a hot dog at Fenway Park when he spotted an eye inside said hot dog.
So, too, I spotted an eye inside the cat food I was once feeding to my cats.
I would say, “The eyes have it”, but I would drather not see them in food, just on faces, please. :(
Comment by Colorado Transplant — January 3, 2010 @ 3:14 pm
Great stories, Marty! Thanks for sharing them with the rest of us. We should write a book!
Comment by Dr. Tony Johnson — January 4, 2010 @ 8:37 am
Food and gross-out dog stories-fun.
I remember assisting in an emergency surgery with a nearly necrotic kidney from a foxtail working its way in to a dog. We ordered pizza and the pizza happened to have kidney beans on it. The kidney beans and the dog’s kidney were the same color!
Comment by julia — March 23, 2011 @ 6:53 pm