Be thankful for old, pet-loving friends
By Phyllis DeGioia
November 26, 2009
Every Thanksgiving, in my family, we say what we are grateful for this year. Sometimes it’s simple, and sometime it’s more complex: I’m grateful that our family is together today and that we’re all doing well, I’m grateful for my new horse (that would be my sister’s), I’m grateful I have health insurance even though it’s expensive, grateful I made a new friend, that kind of thing.
It occurred to me this morning that there is something for which I’m eternally grateful but never think to mention on Thanksgiving: a group of online pet-oriented friends who live anywhere from Long Island to Oklahoma City to Seattle, as well as in Canada and Mexico. We’ve been together for years, long enough to remember when someone’s kid was born, when someone got divorced or laid off, when someone’s parent died. Over the years folks have come and gone, but as a group, we’re still here.
Mostly we talk about our pets: the crashing grief of pet loss as well as the heart-pumping excitement of a new pet, the medical trials, the behavioral issues, the cute thing my cat did last night, the question of whether or not to get another one. Dodger came to me from a rescue friend in this group. We have people who raise puppies for service dog organizations, compete with their dogs in shows or in sports, have therapy dogs and so on.
Pets are not all we talk about, of course – we gab about someone’s Ph.D. (congratulations again, Dr. Sloth!), send recipes, wrestle with human relationships. We have a Token Guy(TM) (”Sorry, Andy, didn’t mean to discuss [insert female biological problem] in front of you, just ignore it” and “Andy, are men really attracted to women with big breasts?”).
Just like any family or community, we have our ups and downs, our internal arguments, our dislikes. It’s part of what makes it interesting and real.
We laught at puppy cams, home cams, hilarious videos of chickens, photographs of dogs snuggling with cats or dog-initiated destruction. In the days before we could e-mail photos, we snail-mailed a photo album around (granted, it got stuck somewhere…).
I’ve met about half of them in person, but I’m closer to all of them than I am to many friends who live in my town. After all, I talk to this group every day. They are the first ones I want to tell my good news and bad news; something doesn’t feel quite real until I’ve told them. When someone gets home from a worrisome vet appointment, we expect to hear about it.
I’ve been on vacation with some of these folks, to wonderful places like Nova Scotia, England, New Orleans, and Vancouver.
Sometimes our discussions are hilarious, and sometimes they’re wrenching. This group of smart asses rarely forgets anything embarrassing. When Sharon realized that she’d just neutered Smokey on his birthday, we teased her unmercifully; years later we still fear what she might get for a dog.
Whatever someone wants to talk about, it’s okay. We send “zen” to whoever needs it, pets, friends of friends, neighbors. One of us was just diagnosed with bilateral breast cancer (zen for her would be most appreciated); one of is watching her mother-in-law lose her will to live. Someone is adopting the most adorable tiny Siamese kitten, who will arrive at her home in a few days. Someone else is debating where to spend Thanksgiving. It’s a tight-knit community initiated from like-minded pet people.
Pets are our ties that bind, for which I’m forever grateful. Whatever you’re thankful for this Thanksgiving, be sure to acknowledge it. Happy Thanksgiving!
Hi Phyllis, this is such a nice post! Is this group by invitation only? Can anyone join? My husband and I are avid pet devotees, and our two pugs are a true light of our lives:-)). I’d love to be a part of such group. In any event, it is terrific to know that there are people like you, and gave a fabulous Thanksgiving!!
Comment by Kristina — November 26, 2009 @ 5:46 am
Amen! Thanks be to our pets and our pet friends. Long may they reign.
Happy Thanksgiving and thank you for your posts throughout the year. :)
Comment by Paula Joseph-Johnson — November 26, 2009 @ 6:46 am
Do you find that it’s sometimes difficult (and even perhaps mildly embarassing!) to explain to your “real life friends” about your online friends?
I had a recent experience with this when I had hand surgery and a friend of mine accompanied me to the surgery center and then stayed in my home for the obligatory 24 hours that you are not permitted to be alone after such a surgery. As soon as we got home from the surgery center - me still a bit groggy from the meds - the first thing I did was turn on my computer to log into a dog and general-related discussion board that I post to daily. My friend wondered what I was doing and I said “They’re all waiting for me to let them know that I’m home and that the surgery went okay!”.
As I said it, I realized how odd it probably looked to her - me “checking in” with a computer screen!
But seriously - it’s a nice group of people that I’ve “known” for years. And whether or not we’ve met face-to-face, we all still help each other, support each other, share stories, and root for one another in hard times.
I’m thankful I have them in my life.
Comment by The OTHER Pat — November 26, 2009 @ 7:33 am
Ahhh, I’m a little teary here in GA. I’m thankful for you, too, Phyll! Blanchie maybe not so much ;-)
Comment by MB — November 26, 2009 @ 7:51 am
“Do you find that it’s sometimes difficult (and even perhaps mildly embarassing!) to explain to your “real life friends” about your online friends?”
Oh yeah. And try explaining that you’re going on vacation with people you’ve never technically met.
Comment by Phyllis DeGioia — November 26, 2009 @ 8:05 am
And we are all thankful for Phyllis!
Comment by Jenn — November 26, 2009 @ 8:12 am
A further point … I think it’s kind of odd when a woman I know always references her “online friend Michelle” or “online friend Diane” when were are discussing animal care things.
Why make the differentiation? In most cases it does not matter. Why not just say “My friend Michelle has a dog that … “
One of my best, dearest friends has lived in a faraway state for the past 20 years. We speak regularly and I talk about her often — but I rarely say “my out-of-state friend, Jeanne,” unless it is relevant.
But yes, I agree that it must seem very strange to people who have no on-line communities. I am so glad to live in a time that all this is possible.
Comment by Mary Mary — November 26, 2009 @ 10:22 am
Although I have spent time with them all IRL so now, like the Velveteen Rabbit, they’re “real,” almost all of my very closest friends came from online communities originally.
Comment by Gina Spadafori — November 26, 2009 @ 11:12 am
Most of my closest friends came to be so through horses. When speaking of them to others who are not as equine-centric, I usually refer to them as my “horsey friends.”
Not very flattering, I know, but descriptive.
Comment by Rori — November 26, 2009 @ 11:32 am
I’m one of Phyllis’ pet-minded friends off the list she mentioned today in her blog and I can tell you: she and the rest of that group are some very powerful people. When I went through a devastating illness that very nearly took my life, that group was one of the things that pulled me through. As I lay in a coma, Phyllis talked with my husband and passed information back and forth to the crew who prayed for me and sent loads of zen my way. It really was one of the things that made the difference. I am a Canadian friend and on your Thanksgiving, as well as my own, I am very grateful.
Comment by Linda Thompson — November 26, 2009 @ 12:10 pm
I like the part where, when you meet in person, its seamless, you already have the relationship so you just jump in where you last left off.
Comment by monica — November 26, 2009 @ 7:23 pm
I’m thankful for dogs!
This video explains it all.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2MICQZrdM8I
[Note from Gina: I clicked. It’s harmless silly pet vid, not something creepy.]
Comment by Eric — November 26, 2009 @ 8:12 pm
Kristina, how sweet of you to ask, but because it’s such a tight knit group it’s invitation only for friends who are well known. We only invite smart asses we think can handle it.
The above mentioned dog Blanche (a Georgia stray named Blanche Dubois because she depended on the kindness of strangers) was bit on the face by a poisonous snake. A few years ago I used photos of her swollen face for an article about treating snake bites at http://www.veterinarypartner.c.....amp;A=2111. I mentioned it last week and lo and behold, Blanche got bit on the lip by a snake a few days ago (she’s fine, it was non-poisonous). MB says I jinxed Blanchie. Blanchie is not accepting my new mantra for her of “Snakes are not toys. Snakes are not toys.”
Comment by Phyllis DeGioia — November 27, 2009 @ 8:55 am
What a lovely post. It is amazing how pets connect us with people we otherwise might never have met, and how the world of social media, blogs and other ways to connect online has made this way of connecting with others even easier.
I sometimes find that I want to share something with my online friends even before I share it with my “real life” friends (although the lines are beginning to blur more and more - like Gina said in her comment, why even bother to explain the difference!). I’ve come to experience the wonderful support online friends can offer just these past couple of days. Buckley, the subject of my book Buckley’s Story - Lessons from a Feline Master Teacher, passed away last Thanksgiving weekend, so this has been a rough weekend for me. I was so touched by all the messages I received from online friends, and even complete strangers who had read my book, letting me know I was in their thoughts.
Power of the paw, and the amazing human animal bond.
Comment by Ingrid King — November 28, 2009 @ 11:45 am