You’d think I’d learn my dog would eat that…but you’d be wrong
By Phyllis DeGioia
November 12, 2009
“Dodger, drop it, damn it!”
Yes, I realize that swearing is not part of a formal obedience command, and saying it to my dog means I will never get the human equivalent of a Canine Good Citizen title.
I realize that it’s my fault when he has something in his mouth that he shouldn’t.
I realize that I am not a tidy person or a good trainer, and that this is a bad combination since he is the only dog I’ve ever had who was tall enough to get stuff off the kitchen counter. Unlike my beloved food hound Fred, Dodger doesn’t need to hop on the kitchen chairs to get onto the table. He just stretches out. For a 42-pound runt, he can stretch pretty darn far.
But damn it, last night he ate a 2-ounce container of walnut oil cream. He ate almost all of it before I managed to wrestle away his prize. He grabbed it off the kitchen table while I was showing a friend my new stash of organic oils, stearic acid, shea butter, witch hazel and beeswax, all of which I am using to make personal care items for holiday gifts this year. Items like walnut oil cream.
So even though I know that nothing in the walnut oil cream — which as I recall contains walnut oil, coconut oil, beeswax, and rosewater — will hurt him, it’s expensive stuff to metamorphose into midnight diarrhea. He also left toothmarks on the nifty little jars I bought online for all the stuff I plan to mix and cook and then smoosh onto people’s skin.
It was so tasty Dodger refused to give up the jar for quite a while. “Drop it” is not his strong point, although he has a mean sit. I won the jar, and the battle, but I feel like I’m losing the war. At least the dreaded midnight diarrhea did not show up.
It’s my fault he got into it, just as it is when I leave my underwear on the floor and he chews through the crotch. While I can’t seem to remember to buy a hamper with a lid, I have to keep remembering to buy new underwear. At least I am sporting new colors, and he hasn’t actually swallowed any lately.
Since he loves to shred paper, I am grateful he’s never touched a book, particularly library books. How humiliating would that be? “Hi, my dog ate these four books. How much do I owe you? No, he’s not a puppy. He’s 5. Oh, you know a good trainer?”
Last weekend I wanted to return something to the hardware store and held the shredded receipt in my hand. Was it worth even trying? I stood uneasily at the cash register and said I would understand if the receipt was unacceptable because my dog ate it. “Oh, your dog ate your homework, eh?” said the clerk. I smiled wanly while he returned my money.
If I was a teacher, I would definitely get one of those “The dog ate my lesson plan” t-shirts. Maybe in view of my tearing around chasing him and his ill-begotten prizes, I should wear one of these “It’s all fun and games until someone ends up in a cone” t-shirts. If I thought I could get him in a dog t-shirt, I’d put him in one that says “I love my mom” to remind me he’s not trying to destroy stuff but to either snack or engage me in play (that’s where most of my underwear goes). The food is about snacking; the socks and underwear are all about engaging my attention. I’m not sure what the coffee drinking is all about – he’s way too hyper enough to need caffeine – but one of these days he’s going to break a mug.
With Fred the food-obsessed Westie-Bichon mix, I used a series of escalating anti-Fred devices, i.e., trash cans with increasingly difficult levels of access. I finally had a winner when I bought a stand-alone wooden kitchen cabinet with a pull-out drawer for the trashy. Somehow, that’s just not going to change Dodger’s accessibility. What works for one dog won’t necessarily work for another.
Fred mostly stole food; Dodger is the only dog I’ve had who enjoys shredding paper. Needless to say all paper has the same lack of value to him whether or not it’s a check, a receipt, the phone number of a new business contact, or my ticket to the theater.
I don’t want to explain to a cop why I can’t find the car registration, and I don’t want to tell my friend my dog ate her wedding invitation, so you’d think I’d learn.
But I don’t.
Oh no no no no I know that noise…dear God, what does he have now?
Well — do you want advice on how to fix it, or do you want to complain?
Comment by H. Houlahan — November 12, 2009 @ 5:33 am
I had to pay the library for a book that Max ate the cover off of. It was a book about homeopathy and animals. Ironic, no?
Comment by Patti and Max — November 12, 2009 @ 5:49 am
I finally had a winner when I bought a stand-alone wooden kitchen cabinet with a pull-out drawer for the trashy. Somehow, that’s just not going to change Dodger’s accessibility.
Well, there’s training, and then there’s management. Under the heading of “management”, you could affix a toddler lock to your nice stand-alone trash-concealing cabinet. Some of the other “need-for-management” points you’ve already addressed in your post.
Comment by The OTHER Pat — November 12, 2009 @ 6:18 am
There are times when I’m grateful I have short dogs with stumpy legs.
Note: This does not apply when they eat the library books that I have left on the floor - or when Bunny eats a chair.
Comment by FrogDogz — November 12, 2009 @ 6:33 am
Phyllis—did you ever think of giving Dodger his own cup of coffee and his own stack of paper to chew? (Just joking, of course).
Comment by Colorado Transplant — November 12, 2009 @ 6:37 am
Ahhh memories.
I’ll just say that Browser’s name gets expanded to Browser Goddammit What Do You Have Now!!! On such occasions. He however has an excellent bringit. And a fair giveit. But then he expects a treat for surrendering the prize.
Don’t worry about explaining to the librarian. We’re used to it. I can’t think of a dog training book held by our library that’s not been replaced multiple times because of chewage.
Comment by schnauzer — November 12, 2009 @ 6:55 am
Well — do you want advice on how to fix it, or do you want to complain?
Comment by H. Houlahan — November 12, 2009
Houlie, you are always so practical!
But …
In one of my circles of friends, we have a “Bad Girls Club” in which we celebrate the misdeeds of our girldogs. Said beyotches are even thought to share text messages amongst themselves providing “bad girl” ideas for mayhem and encouragement of same, and have their own “gang sign” — a raised front paw to show solidarity.
Now, in reality, these are all well-mannered family dogs who are mostly in addition trained dog-sports competitors across a spectrum of activities.
But if we didn’t laugh when they did something “bad,” we wouldn’t have so much fun. Their transgressions are minor and relatively few, but we kinda enjoy them.
Motherhood has changed my own McKenzie into a responsible sort — or more likely it’s middle age, and the spay. But her daughter Faith is an adolescent hellpuppy heading for the presidency of the club. (Who started the day today by eating a tray of cookies taken from the counter while I was burrowing deep into my bed and hitting the “snooze” button for the fourth time.)
Perversely, I love it when she’s “bad.” Because she’s not really “bad” at all — she’s just a teenage puppy-head in training.
Besides .. Phyllis is a writer. If her pets gave her nothing to write about, where would she be?
OTOH … if you would like to share counter-cruising advice, well, I know at least three people who will appreciate it.
Comment by Gina Spadafori — November 12, 2009 @ 6:58 am
Duncan, my 6 yo yellow lab, still eats:
Napkins, newspapers, toilet paper, slippers, flip-flops, socks, and fleece anything! I suck at training also. Although he does retrieve the newspaper from the driveway and his collar, knowing he will get a carrot for retrieveing the items. It’s all about Duncan-proofing the house! Hang in there!
Comment by Mo — November 12, 2009 @ 7:10 am
Thanks, Gina. I exaggerate just to be funny. Dodger certainly gets into a lot of stuff but he’s good about exchanging whatever it is for a toy (the walnut oil cream was an exception). His drop it definitely leaves something to be desired. If I was tidier - never gonna happen - he’d shred less paper. Liz Palika, who has been an angel helping me with Dodger, knows that I am not a good trainer but with her help Dodger has made good progress in the areas I consider most important.
But sure, counter surfing advice would be great. I also just like to make my friends laugh when I complain!
Comment by Phyllis DeGioia — November 12, 2009 @ 7:26 am
Well, I’ve had setters for 30 years, and the one thing I’ve learned is that unless you have a sense of humor, you can’t live with a setter. They are the Peter Pans of the dog world. They’ll make you laugh every day, and no, you don’t want to “fix” them. That’s the joy of having a setter in your life. I still laugh when one of my ancient setters will decide that he/she hasn’t grabbed the toilet paper roll lately and runs down the hall with it. Life with a setter is never boring!
Comment by Louisa Johnson — November 12, 2009 @ 7:27 am
It’s an honest question that all dog trainers must learn to ask, or else find themselves discoursing to the air surrounding glassy-eyed pet owners who thought that “the dog trainer” at the cocktail party would be entertained by the completely unique and never-before encountered tale of their dog’s destructiveness/barking/biting/leg humping/disobedience/suicide attempts, etc.
A photo blog post on teaching “leave it” may be in order. I’ve got the perfect
stoogestudent here. Yesterday foster pup Cole, who is normally quite polite at meals, decided out of the blue to snatch Rosie’s chicken quarter from my hand instead of wait for his own (identical, except larger) chunk of meat. He then tried to envelope it in one gulp, python-style. On principle, I went in after it. He was rather astonished. But obviously, some more formal instruction is in the works.Comment by H. Houlahan — November 12, 2009 @ 7:33 am
I guess I’m kind of put in mind of some of the previous discussions here of and reactions to the whole “isn’t misbehavior cute!” “Marley and Me” themed discussions.
Comment by The OTHER Pat — November 12, 2009 @ 8:13 am
>>I’m not sure what the coffee drinking is all about – he’s way too hyper enough to need caffeine – but one of these days he’s going to break a mug.
Well, the resolution to this potential problem is a no-brainer: give him his coffee in compostable paper cups (made of recycled paper, of course).
Comment by Melissa — November 12, 2009 @ 8:17 am
Comment by Gina Spadafori — November 12, 2009 @ 6:58 am
OTOH … if you would like to share counter-cruising advice, well, I know at least three people who will appreciate it.
This one was a classic:
http://www.shirleychong.com/ke.....iondet.txt
Comment by The OTHER Pat — November 12, 2009 @ 8:18 am
Yes. but just think: If Phyllis can turn this into “Dodger and Me,” she can quit working, buy palatial estate and hire Liz and Houlie as staff dog-trainers while she interviews handsome young men as poop-scoopers and personal assistants.
P.S. To Phyllis: It’s not that I wouldn’t wish that for you, but please don’t. One “Marley and Me” was more than enough.
Comment by Gina Spadafori — November 12, 2009 @ 8:26 am
I have to throw in one more random comment. When I first saw the way Dodger is positioned in his picture at the top of this post, he appeared to be squatting. Upon re-examination, I think it’s just an odd camera angle.
However, that first impression I had of the photo in combination with the title had me thinking I was about to read a post about copraphagy!
Comment by The OTHER Pat — November 12, 2009 @ 8:29 am
I think you might need one of those “”It’s not ok to obey” tshirts…
http://stores.doggiesduffelbag......bok?no=16
Comment by EmilyS — November 12, 2009 @ 8:41 am
What I thought of seeing the picture was when I was raising Otter for my friend Mary, so the pup could get some city socialization. We met in Oregon for the transfer when Otter was six months old — me from Calif, Mary from Texas.
Otter was wearing what I thought was a very cute vest.
Her breeder set eyes on her for the first time since she sent her to me and ordered, “Get that thing off my puppy. She’s a hunting dog, not a poodle.”
Apologies to the poodles who are hunting dogs, by the way.
Comment by Gina Spadafori — November 12, 2009 @ 8:46 am
Now I know why Harper is always raising her paw. She’s a member of that Bad Grrlz gang.
Comment by Kim Thornton — November 12, 2009 @ 8:46 am
There will be NO “Dodger and Me”!!!
Comment by Phyllis DeGioia — November 12, 2009 @ 9:36 am
Years ago, I enjoyed a “secret Saturday” and spent the day reading a fabulous book in the warm sun while Sparky and Opie (then a young 8 mo old pup) romped around in the yard. The book helped me to see Opie’s challenging behaviors in a different light and that it was up to me to find the common ground on which we could communicate.
Quick break to run inside for another glass of iced tea. Got sidetracked with a load of laundry that needed to be done. Back outside in less than 10 minutes.
Only now, our backyard seemed to have had a bucket of confetti dumped on it…little pieces of white were fluttering by on the early summer breeze. In less than 10 minutes, Opie had absolutely shredded this book that had given me such an epiphany about “bad dog” behavior and see it from the dog’s perspective.
The book was Culture Clash by Jean Donaldson!
Comment by Melinda — November 12, 2009 @ 10:04 am
My Coonhound went in my purse and pulled out my paycheck and ate it - all of it. Imagine telling my employer I needed another one. So I learned the hard way, unless it is up and out of reach, a dog will get it, especially if it smells good.
As to the stuff that doesn’t smell good - well it is enough that Mom loves it - that makes it valuable and has so much of her scent on it - Yummy.
I’m knitting a Xmas scarf for my sister and I was sitting happily on the futon knitting away when Coonhound runs up, grabs the ball of yarn and takes off full speed - yarn whipping out of its nest. Well one big “NO” screamed at the top of my lungs did the trick - and I rescued my very expensive yarn ball. Yikes.
Counter surfing is another problem. I have baskets everywhere especially for the TV remote and my cell phone. It’s an on-going struggle but I’m getting wiser and have learned if I don’t want stuff snatched - I keep it out of reach or put the dog up. Did I mention training? Not! Sigh…….now what happened to the new roll of toilet paper?
Comment by Snoopys Friend — November 12, 2009 @ 10:10 am
Be very glad Dodger isn’t an abyssinian. My “Bad Girl Club” member loved to steal underwear from the “fresh out of the dryer” basket. She would not chew them…but hide them. When a guest came, she’d bring them a “present”. I would have rather had chewed up underwear.
Comment by Moira — November 12, 2009 @ 10:36 am
Given their immediate adopted family, I’m actually sort of surprised my cats don’t retrieve or at least carry things in their mouths.
They are PURRfect, with one kinda cute exception: Ilario likes to wake me up by tapping me on the nose with his paw. It’s soft pads at first, but if I don’t wake up quickly enough for him, things get sharp.
Comment by Gina Spadafori — November 12, 2009 @ 10:44 am
We have ‘Team Badness’ here. Sadly, the manager, Annie Monster, passed away this spring, but she left specific instructions that the badness must continue with the remaining quartet (as I make the ‘dolphin’ sound to distract the WigglePig from trying to pull a cushion off the couch). Lilybrat is sleeping the sunshine, almost lulling me into thinking she’s a good dog, but I know she’s dreaming of ripping up the carefully placed dog beds and scattering them around. Stoopid Stripey Dog just stepped on Mr. Moo, and I think I’m going to let out to play (and have their badness meeting outside).
Comment by KateH — November 12, 2009 @ 11:45 am
Melinda, I’ve told you before —
While I don’t ever condone censorious book
burningeating, Opie knew what he was doing.Good boy Opie!
Comment by H. Houlahan — November 12, 2009 @ 12:50 pm
OTOH … if you would like to share counter-cruising advice, well, I know at least three people who will appreciate it.
LOL YeP… I actually heard feet on the Kitchen counter the other day and went flying into the kitchen yelling DOOOOOOLLLLLLEEEYYYYY! I should have been yelling BOOOOGGGGEEEYYYY! Apparently Big D and Great Uncle Bogey have more in common than just genes.
Comment by Verde — November 12, 2009 @ 3:42 pm
That is a nice vest Dodger is wearing. Any info on that?
Comment by Martha M — November 12, 2009 @ 4:14 pm
Uncle Bogey is 13 today. Some of you know that Bogey is my Heather’s brother, also to Katie B’s Cali. With Heather’s recent death, Bogey is the last one standing. I simply could not be happier than to know that he can do that stand on two legs to counter-cruise!
Yay, Bogey. Happy Birthday, buddy.
Comment by Gina Spadafori — November 12, 2009 @ 4:15 pm
Sometimes we are lulled into a false sense of security by our good old dogs who have learned proper manners over the years. We get a swift refresher course with a young “scientist” pup who is bent on trying everything at least once to see what happens.
Comment by Martha M — November 12, 2009 @ 4:19 pm
When a guest came, she’d bring them a “present”. I would have rather had chewed up underwear.
HA! I can top that one. I took Penelope to a friend’s place, and Nell went cruising around the apartment, looking for trouble to get into. I said I’d go get her - my friend said “no, never mind, there’s nothing she can hurt”.
Which was fine, until Penelope returned to the living room with something in her mouth. Something plastic and sorta fleshy colored. Something that buzzed.
Pretty much a classic moment, which was only enhanced by Nell’s reluctance to spit it out. I was laughing too hard to really correct her properly, and my friend was hiding behind a pillow, mortified.
Comment by FrogDogz — November 12, 2009 @ 5:06 pm
Hmm. My mom had a setter mix who loved coffee, too. I found out when I returned to the table and found my cup half empty with little splashes around it. Mom, it’s weird, I know, but I think Bel drank my coffee. Oh, yes, she said, he drinks it whenever he has a chance.
Comment by nene — November 12, 2009 @ 9:23 pm
Martha, Dodger is wearing the brand new Ruffwear Climate Changer Fleece jacket. I just wrote a product comparison article on jackets. This zips up the left side (in some other discussion someone was asking about side zips, that’s why I used this photo).
http://www.ruffwear.com/Climat.....ategory=12
It’s similar in style (not material) to Ruffwear’s Cloud Chaser for use in all inclement weather - http://www.ruffwear.com/Cloud-.....l-Jacket_2. They seem to have high quality materials and appear to be well made, so I like them. Not that Dodger would be caught dead in a jacket, but at 13 Ginger will need one this winter.
Comment by Phyllis DeGioia — November 13, 2009 @ 7:07 am
I had some beets with greens in my shopping bag and my little cat, Inca, reached up and was nibbling quite heartily on the greens.
Another time my little Inca decided that the Hydrangea leaves would be delicious. I had gotten the plant as a Christmas gift. That I hastily snatched away because the leaves are poisonous to cats.
She just loves to eat greens, whatever they are.
Comment by Colorado Transplant — November 13, 2009 @ 11:03 am
This is bit off topic, but where is that cute jacket on the dog from?
Comment by thetroubleis — November 13, 2009 @ 11:25 am
Thetroubleis, it’s a Ruffwear Climate Changer fleece.
http://www.ruffwear.com/Climat.....ategory=12
Comment by Phyllis DeGioia — November 15, 2009 @ 9:06 am