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Fat chance: Would you throw the butter away?
By Gina Spadafori
July 21, 2009
I’m home from work today. Seems everything that isn’t aching (head, back) is malfunctioning (TMI if I told you). Yes, it has occurred to me that someone has a voodoo doll with my name on it, but considering the raging debate on this thread with regard to non-Western modalities, I’m simply not going to say anything more about that.
So here’s my question, and mind you, it’s purely hypothetical. Or, uh, a friend asked me what I thought. That’s it, yeah. A friend.
Let’s say, oh, you’re home sick. Around, oh, 10 a.m. PT, you decide to scramble a couple eggs for breakfast, fresh eggs from your own hypothetical chickens. Following this, you leave almost an entire cube of butter on the kitchen counter. A few minutes later, you see a dog who was not-so-hypothetically spayed last Thursday and is definitely still ouchy. She’s slinking across your peripheral vision in a way that suggests she has taken something off the counter and is now looking for a place to hide while consuming what she has stolen.
You think, “Oh, hypothetical McKenzie must be feeling a LOT better!” and then you get up and ask her for the butter, which she gently places in your hand in such a way as to suggest she was thoughtfully bringing it to you in case you needed it.
Hypothetical McKenzie is a good retriever, so there are no tooth marks on the butter. You know, however, that there is surely dog spit.
What do you do?
Did I mention it is nearly an entire cube?
Image: The rare Butter Retriever, shown with her preferred prey on a previous occasion.
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Hey Gina,
At least she delivered it to hand. Good girl McButtery!!
Comment by Judy DeWaard — July 21, 2009 @ 11:48 am
Well, all of us dog owners have probably suffered the inadvertent ingestion of dog spit and lived to tell the tale. That’s still not quite the same thing, however, as consciously scarfing down some hypothetical foodstuff which has been anointed with the substance.
That being said, I believe I would wipe or slice the outer layer off the cube and then go ahead and use the cleaned-up rest of it to scramble my hypothetical eggs!
Comment by The OTHER Pat — July 21, 2009 @ 11:54 am
I’m with O.P., especially since it’s not like you’ll be serving your hypothetical butter to hypothetical guests. Remember your “J’ embrasse mon chien sur la bouche!” T-shirt.:O)
Comment by Original Lori — July 21, 2009 @ 11:59 am
I would try to remember what Mythbusters found when they did the myth about a dog’s mouth being cleaner than a human’s.
Then, after being forced to look it up, with inconclusive results, I’d wonder if the cost of new butter(including the effort of running to the store, or the lack of butter until a store run) outweighed being totally disgusting and/or allowing “potent” bacteria into my system.
Being completely free of all maladies at the moment, I like to think I’d replace the butter at the first opportunity, but then again I am spectacularly lazy at times.
Comment by Christine H — July 21, 2009 @ 12:00 pm
“That being said, I believe I would wipe or slice the outer layer off the cube and then go ahead and use the cleaned-up rest of it to scramble my hypothetical eggs!
Comment by The OTHER Pat — July 21, 2009 @ 11:54 am “
I have not seen any double blind studies regarding the efficacy of this procedure, but it works for me, especially if the hypothetical butter comes from a local dairy, is extremely tasty and is wicked expensive. Don’t use a paper towel though, use wax paper or the suggested knife to excise the dog spit.
Comment by Anne T — July 21, 2009 @ 12:03 pm
I would not tell my husband what occurred. :)
Comment by Cindy — July 21, 2009 @ 12:10 pm
No toothmarks! Are you kidding me? Good girl, McKenzie!!
Comment by chaetura — July 21, 2009 @ 12:13 pm
I would give it right back to that poor little dog. She obviously is missing some fat in her diet and has to counter cruise to make up for it. LOL At least she didn’t consume it, paper and all like Cedar (Golden retriever) did. Just use the butter in dog cookies. I have a recipe for cheese cookies where butter is needed. :-)
Comment by Jill — July 21, 2009 @ 12:28 pm
Huh. Savanna never got caught stealing the butter—in fact, I never even found the wrappers. Must be that supersonic sighthound speed. Hypothetically, I would rinse it off, make muffins or something with it, and then give them to germ-phobic people. But then, I’m wicked that way. (I hope my neighbors don’t read this.) If they do, just kidding!
Comment by Kim Thornton — July 21, 2009 @ 12:44 pm
I kiss my dog on the lips, so I’m pretty sure a little dog spit wouldn’t bother me. Not that this is ever a problem at my house, as Miss Brown works *fast* and rarely leaves any trace of her evil deeds. This occasionally leaves me scratching my head, wondering if I really *did* get a stick of butter out of the fridge. Harriet invariably looks smug and tells me I must be imagining things. Brat.
Comment by Shelly — July 21, 2009 @ 12:59 pm
Rinse it off. Get on with life. The same dog no doubt will lick me in the mouth later today anyway.
If it really bothered me I’d put it back in the fridge with a label and use it to give dog meds with.
Sorry MkMommy - your got to be quicker,and jauntily unconcerned in posture, to pull this one off successfully. Do you need a Border Collie pen pal to help you with the method?
Comment by Wendy — July 21, 2009 @ 12:59 pm
McKenzie is usually MUCH faster. She’s still a little off her game, post-spay.
Butter is the one thing I absolutely, positively cannot trust her not to steal.
Comment by Gina Spadafori — July 21, 2009 @ 1:03 pm
Ha, ha, at least you did not have to “butter her up”. No wonder she has such a shiny coat.
Comment by Colorado Transplant — July 21, 2009 @ 1:17 pm
Gina, maybe a catnap would be just what would make you feel better.
Hypothetically, I think you would use the butter to make your egg dish. (Did you?)
Comment by Colorado Transplant — July 21, 2009 @ 1:29 pm
I had a petsitting client years ago with two Afghan Hounds. One was oversized, so not just unusual-looking but enormous compared to the other.
I would move in with them for a month at a time. She told me to never stray from their diet (some sort of lean beef + rice mixture) because their systems were delicate and they’d get wicked wicked sick if they had too much fat. She warned me that they’d even steal and eat lipstick from my purse.
So I was very careful as I did not want them to get sick, as I had to clean up their enormous messes.
Well! One day I brought home a tin of butter cookies. I put it on the counter and went upstairs FOR ONE MINUTE. They slid the door open with their three-foot noses and when I came downstairs, I saw that they had the tin open and had planted their long front legs stubbornly into the floor and they, and the cookies, were not going anywhere.
(They were very stubborn dogs but next to perfect on the leash. People would gawk as we walked along.)
I remember that to be an epic mess a few hours later.
Comment by Mary Mary — July 21, 2009 @ 1:33 pm
Good girl McKutie! You are a better retriever than one of my flatcoats who stole the butter and took it to her crate to consume. When I busted her she just gave me a look as if to say “what did I do wrong” - you must be familiar with it! I didn’t even bother to wipe the spit off, just put it back in the fridge and didn’t tell the kids!
Comment by Heather — July 21, 2009 @ 1:50 pm
Well you could decide to only cook with the butter, so that any bacteria would be deep fried.
Or feed small slivers to the dogs to use up the bar, it makes for great coats used sparingly!
BTW, that’s the same brand we use, go Clo!
Comment by JenniferJ — July 21, 2009 @ 2:09 pm
What’s a little spit amongst friends? Darn right I’d eat it…I might slice off a little but I’d eat it.
Comment by Phyllis DeGioia — July 21, 2009 @ 2:32 pm
Rinse it off. With hot water. Not that I’ve done this. Or maybe eaten the rest of my green beans from the side of the bowl that probably didn’t have a snout in it.
Comment by Ed — July 21, 2009 @ 3:59 pm
100% of the dog owners who read this blog and have responded, and have had dogs steal the butter (hypothetically speaking of course), would reuse it. Interesting statistic!lol.What would the FDA say when they don’t even think we can manage sanitary enough conditions in our homes to make our own pet food? I bet they would be totally aghasted!
Comment by Anne T — July 21, 2009 @ 5:08 pm
Use it, and then let the hypothetical dog lick the plate when you’re finished…
Comment by EmilyS — July 21, 2009 @ 5:52 pm
Hypothetically speaking, IF a dog should snatch a pat of butter, I don’t think anyone would notice, especially if I melted it while making sauce, or to smother corn in.
Hypothetically, of course….
Comment by Linda Kaim — July 21, 2009 @ 6:51 pm
LOL sounds like you got some great advice already. I’d cook up some scrambled eggs in butter for the gal and use it to enhance her fat intake…
Comment by Ark Lady — July 22, 2009 @ 8:06 am
Just give the butter a good rinse and it’d be fine. Dogs have cleaner mouths than we do. :)
Comment by bgermanrottweilers — July 22, 2009 @ 3:49 pm
Julia Child would vote with the majority here. Don’t waste the butter, whether you shave it or rinse it! Your friends who’ve read this won’t care, and nobody else will know.
Comment by Susan — July 22, 2009 @ 8:02 pm
I feel your pain. Our lab teenager Willie ate a whole quarter not too long ago. He didn’t even have the grace to look embarrassed when he was busted.
On the upside, his coat’s never looked better. ;)
Comment by LauraL — July 24, 2009 @ 7:03 am
Not that I have ANY experience with this, but I’d just cut the outside off, stick the cube in a container and back into the fridge on a higher shelf. And open a new cube for any guests. Alternatively, you could just let her (or her and every other dog in the house) eat the butter. Not that I have any experience with that either.
Am I weird for looking at the photo of McK and thinking “awwww, someone has made her look purdy….” She looks perfectly groomed. Unlike my bunch….
Comment by Deanna — July 24, 2009 @ 4:51 pm
Aaaw come on, whats a little slobber between pals? We ate butter with kitty spit on it for months, without knowing about it..only when she developed a bad case of pancreatitis and the vet asked could your cat be getting into anything, butter, etc? Not our angel, we said. Until we got home and checked the butter, sure enuf, little tiny kitty tongue marks on the surface..so I tell this to you only so you know even if you did eat that butter and maybe dont want to say…you will be OK. (-:
Comment by Sandi K — July 24, 2009 @ 10:16 pm