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What pets know … and how they help
By Gina Spadafori
February 21, 2009
Regular readers know my father is dying. Liver cancer, but he also is in renal failure. He came home from the hospital Wednesday and immediately decided that he wasn’t leaving, and that he didn’t want anything except pain meds. No more dialysis. He asked his questions, considered his options, and chose the one that suited him best.
We all made it utterly clear that the decision was his, and that we’d support whatever decision he made. Brave stuff from a dying man, I gotta tell ya. The last couple of days he has been asleep a lot, and soon, he will be gone. In the meantime, he has been funny, reflective, demanding and supportive. Also pretty clear about the “after” details: He wants to go over the facts for the obit. No flowers, thanks, and he has set up a scholarship fund.
My brother Joe and I have taken our dogs over to visit him. Aside from when my brother’s JoJo decided to leap onto the hospital bed without warning, these visits have gone very well. Dad enjoys them, and the dogs seem to understand and try to help. For my part, I’ve taken only the mellow, older dogs — Drew and Heather. The loving, full-speed enthusiasm of the two young retrievers is a little much for the situation.
Which is not to say the two youngest haven’t tried to help at my home. McKenzie spends her days with her head on my knee, and there’s a pile of dog toys at my feet, each brought by Woody in hopes of helping. You know, nothing makes you feel better than chewing on something, he seems to be saying. Maybe I’ll try it tonight.
It’s no longer cold here, but I’ve also noticed everyone snuggling tight on the bed at night — four dogs and two cats.
Highly unusual, but then, these are highly unusual times. And bless the pets for trying to help with the coping.
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Gina, I am sorry you are experiencing this tremendously sad period in your life. I do want to say that from my perspective, your family’s openness at this time sounds so…refreshing and comforting. I am so glad you are surrounded by lots of furry love. And I just want you to know there is virtual support out here, too! Lots of it, I’m sure. Take care.
Comment by keenwell — February 21, 2009 @ 11:22 am
Dear Gina:
I am been thinking about your father, and wanted to know how you were coping.
I am glad your animals are helping you. They must sense what you are going through.
I know you will be as brave as your father has been when you have to deal with his loss.
Your spiritual side, your family, and your friends should be a big help to you, but it is a shock, nonetheless.
Comment by Colorado Transplant — February 21, 2009 @ 11:29 am
so very sorry about your Dad. Your animals are amazinga angels.
Comment by Erika Berry a.k.a. CleanyBeany — February 21, 2009 @ 11:33 am
I’ve been there, so I know what you are going through. When my mother was dying, she wondered how we would all cope (the maternal/paternal love lasts to the end). It was a comfort to her (and us) when I told her, “We will cope—you made us strong.” I’m sure your dad did the same for you.
Comment by Arlene — February 21, 2009 @ 12:15 pm
best wishes to you, Gina.
It is a blessing that your dad is able to die at home rather than in the hospital or nursing home. I hope that you will all find peace together.
Take advantage of your state’s hospice program for care aides or counseling if you need
Comment by EmilyS — February 21, 2009 @ 1:30 pm
Gina, this is so sad, but at the same time, you have so much support. My 2 labs know exactly when something is wrong, someone is sick, and believe me, I have so many dog toys in my home and they keep ending up in my bedroom (are they telling me something?)
Enjoy the end of your Dad’s life…we will all be there some day, and as awful as it is, you are comforting him, and being the best daughter anyone could hope for. Take Care, Gina (formerly of The Bee too)
Comment by Gina Turner Conway — February 21, 2009 @ 1:44 pm
The loss of a beloved parent is so difficult for a child to cope with. I am glad that you have such a good coping mechanism in the form of the dogs and cats to help you through those hard, lonely times. Pets are the best medicine!
Comment by Anne T — February 21, 2009 @ 1:50 pm
So glad your pets are taking care of you. Enjoy this time with your dad and do what you need to do.
We’re all here for you. :-)
Comment by Dorene — February 21, 2009 @ 2:55 pm
Gina,
I am so sorry to hear about your Dad. Been through it myself. Be glad your babies are with you. You won’t believe the comfort the will give you. They know…..
Kathy
Comment by Kathy B — February 21, 2009 @ 3:00 pm
Gina,
May the Lord bless you and your family at this time.
Comment by Marcy — February 21, 2009 @ 3:47 pm
So sorry Gina. Enjoy as much time as you can with your dad. The blog and your other work will take care of itself. Just focus on your dad, family and all your pets and most of all, yourself. God Bless.
Comment by VJ — February 21, 2009 @ 4:42 pm
My thoughts are with you and your family, Gina. I’m glad you have your dogs to provide comfort at a difficult time. Best wishes.
Comment by Susan Fox — February 21, 2009 @ 4:46 pm
They know, they understand, they care. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, but so glad that you have your pets to help take care of you right now.
Comment by Lis — February 21, 2009 @ 6:28 pm
Prayers to you and your father, Gina. Hold the dogs close — they know things we don’t, and vice versa.
Patrick
Comment by PBurns — February 22, 2009 @ 7:45 am
I’m thinking of you and your family, Gina, and sending peaceful zen to all.
Comment by Phyllis DeGioia — February 22, 2009 @ 8:45 am
Oh Gina, Rolan and I feel you pain - have been there, done that with both sets of our parents. Regardless of the circumstances, it’s extremely difficult to say, “good-bye” to a parent, even harder to think they may be suffering in any way at the end. To me, one element of proof that our pets have souls is how they do seem to know our hearts and respond with such compassion. An otherwise energetic, independent cat and dog will stick to us like glue when we need them the most. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Comment by Susan Tripp — February 22, 2009 @ 10:02 am
Gina, you continue to be in our thoughts. Hold on tightly to the furry ones. They do understand.
Comment by Nadine L. — February 22, 2009 @ 11:53 am
My dad died six years ago, only my oldest son was able to get to know him.
The dogs knew something happened, my elderly bulldog bitch who was fiercely independent started following me into the bathroom and laying in front of the front door if we had to go out.
We will be keeping you and yours in our thoughts
Comment by JenniferJ — February 22, 2009 @ 12:25 pm
Gina- I hope you have lots of pain free time left with your Dad. Take care of yourself and let your furries comfort you.
Comment by Leslie K — February 22, 2009 @ 1:48 pm
I’m so glad you have your family (2-legged and 4-legged) gathered round you. You guys are in my prayers!
Comment by Bev — February 22, 2009 @ 3:09 pm
Will be keeping you and your family in thoughts and prayers.
Comment by thomas — February 22, 2009 @ 5:26 pm
Been through it.
My thoughts and prayers are for your family.
Yes, the furpersons will help.
Blessings.
Comment by glock — February 22, 2009 @ 6:26 pm
Thinking of you and holding your family in gentle light. May your father’s transition be beautiful for all involved.
Comment by Judi — February 22, 2009 @ 7:54 pm
My grandfather slipped away of lung cancer in our house. On the last night he was given enough morphine to help him sleep, and one of our cats (who was already very attached to my grandmother) sat with my gran in her vigil, staring at my grandfather’s face. She didn’t take her eyes off him for many hours, looking away only when he died. From that point she didn’t let my grandmother out of her site, bar eating and using her tray, for several days. They remained the best of friends for the next ten years, until they both, sadly, passed away.
I’ll never forget it, so it wasn’t me who was surprised when one of our current cats, seeing my husband groaning from a migraine on the sofa, immediately popped out and fetched him the gift of a sprig of holly from a nearby bush.
They know. And they are such innocent, pure comfort. My thoughts are with your family.
Comment by Alex — February 23, 2009 @ 5:21 am
Gina, I’m so sorry. There’s no way out but through, moment by precious moment. I know, I’ve been there. And dog love is an immeasurable comfort. You’re in my heart.
Comment by Cindy R — February 23, 2009 @ 7:04 am
They are so very smart! When I take Bix to my father’s nursing home, he scoots right up to everyone and thumps his big old head right in their lap. With stroke patients, he even seems to sense which side of them is working right and able to provide a good ear rub.
To the G-pack…Keep up the good work. Your mom needs your TLC right now!
Comment by Verde — February 23, 2009 @ 3:01 pm