Taking better care of my dogs than of myself
By Christie Keith
October 6, 2008
Around eight years or so ago, I wrote these words:
As I stood at the counter in the kitchen preparing a beautiful bowl full of range-fed meat, sprinkled with organic green veggies and nutritious supplements for my dogs, it struck me: When was the last time I’d made a meal for myself? Why was it ok for me to live on crackers and cheese, pizza, and microwaved, reheated coffee, but not ok for my animals?
Today, that doesn’t describe me at all. I’ve made a complete change in the way I eat, and lost a great deal of weight. Even in the midst of absolute crisis, I at least think about whether or not I am taking care of myself, and if I can, I do.
Which brings me to a theory I’ve had about life for a long time now, “Christie’s Theory of Ergonomic Living.” It has nothing to do with designing car interiors so you don’t have to lean forward to change the radio station, nor does it have anything to do with having a really good office chair. It has to do with adapting your life to fit yourself and how you are, rather than always thinking you need to change to fit your life, or your idea of what your life should be — or worse, someone else’s idea.
And at least for me, it has to do with my old observation that I was taking better care of my dogs than of myself. Maybe instead of being mad at myself for taking better care of them than I do of me, I could simply accept a few realities.
My dogs are the most important thing in the world to me. They are incredibly motivating. They make me feel loved and needed. They amuse me, inspire me, protect me, get me off my butt on days when I might choose to just vegetate or get lost in computerland, snuggle with me on cold nights, and have been the instrument by which I’ve learned, changed, and grown the most over the last 25 years. They have been the subject of the work by which I’ve made my living. They have been the reason I’ve met my closest friends.
Given all that, why wouldn’t I want to do things for them that are hard or challenging, that take the last bit of my strength and caring? What’s wrong with that?
Sure, sometimes we do things that hurt us for the good of our dogs. Sometimes it’s unavoidable, like when I was sitting on a cold, hard hospital floor with my dog Raven when she was on oxygen. I knew that sitting there with nothing to lean on for all those hours was going to kill my back. I made the deliberate choice to do it anyway, because I needed to be with her. When I had the choice to sit with her in the regular part of the hospital, where I could sit on a dog bed and lean on a wall, I did that. I took care of myself when I could. I thought about it. It mattered. It just wasn’t possible and so I accepted the consequences of my choice.
Then there are the other times, when you make a generally unhelpful and unwelcome sacrifice out of an unhealthy need to manipulate a situation, or because you have lost all sense of perspective from lack of sleep or some other crisis-related cause and aren’t making good decisions anymore. I hit that wall with Raven, too, when I finally realized that even though she really was better off with me sitting with her, I had to go home and get some rest. (Well, “realized” is not exactly the right word - the vet techs called my vet at home and told her I was having a nervous breakdown in their hospital and she had to get me the hell out of there. Realization on my part came much later.)
Sometimes “taking care of ourselves as well as we care for the dogs” translates into accepting that when push comes to shove, the dogs will always win, and making allowances for that. Planning for it. Living with it. Not pretending it’s not true, or going to change someday. Even realizing, as I am starting to, that there’s actually nothing wrong with it.
Because I really do love them that much. I don’t think that’s something I have to get over. In fact, I’m beginning to think it may be the single thing that’s led to most of the positive changes in my life. And what kind of idiot would want to change that?
Thanx for sharing. I had to chuckle since I was dead sick this weekend but still got up to take the dogs out and cook their meals before tossing myself back into bed til the next round of walks.
Comment by mcappy — October 6, 2008 @ 7:32 pm
You say that like it’s a bad thing. ;)
Comment by Christie Keith — October 6, 2008 @ 9:05 pm
Christie, I know exactly where you’re coming from. Sometimes I feel I shouldn’t have pets because I care *too* much.
OK, life would be sooo much simpler without them (or the inevitable heartache), but WHAT would be the point ? I’m not some social misfit; I’m married, have a ‘proper’ job and fit in society, but the real me is at home with my pets.
Comment by Alison Woolley — October 6, 2008 @ 10:03 pm
Thanks for a thoughtful post, enjoyed.
Comment by slt — October 7, 2008 @ 4:02 am
Comment by Alison W. “Sometimes I feel I shouldn’t have pets because I care “too” much and life would be sooo much simplier….” Agreed. My problem exactly. But would I change it for no pets. No way. Not on your life. My pets mean the world to me and it just wouldn’t be worthwhile if all I had was me to look after. Thanks for writing this and sharing your thoughts, Christie.
Comment by VJ — October 7, 2008 @ 4:38 am
Enjoyed this article, and can relate to it. My 2 dogs and 3 cats get the best food I can afford, preferably organic. I view it as preventative medicine for them. My husbands says the animals eat better than he does since I tend to buy the store brands for us, but would never do that for Perky, Noodles, Lenny, Zoey and Buffy.
Comment by perkysmom — October 7, 2008 @ 6:56 am
“Ergonomic living” - love it!
Five years ago I left a successful, high-powered career and went from training dogs as a hobby to making it my full-time job. This meant a huge loss of financial income but a huge increase psychological and karmic prosperity.
You can’t buy happiness - you need to create it.
Comment by Janeen — October 7, 2008 @ 8:40 am
Sanity is really in the paws of our animals. I’m finding out truly how much every day. I appreciate this article for what it says about the truly devoted feelings are animals make us feel. It’s commitment on amazing levels. And they inspire us to do the same. Even for some humans too :)
I’m posting a link to my own blog article from a few weeks ago. I’m struggling here but my 4 legged friends with paws, claws, and beaks are helping me through.
http://bigblueheron.blogspot.c.....imals.html
Comment by Sharon H — October 7, 2008 @ 1:28 pm
My cousins take better care of their two yorkies than they do of themselves. I used to find it crazy until I got a pet of my own. My father brought home a singing cockatoo that makes me laugh everyday. I pay more attention to the bird than to my siblings! I even submitted the bird into a contest on WebVet.com for the most talented bird. The deadline is the 14th and I can’t wait for the results!
Comment by Ian Z. — October 8, 2008 @ 12:24 pm
They truly are our best friends. My dogs take a lot of stress off my back just by cuddling up to me and hanging out. I treat them with care. Organic food only when I feed them. You’re not alone in your decisions. :)
Comment by dr — October 8, 2008 @ 4:31 pm
I walk this line often. From two dogs on a SARF diet that has taken all our available freezer space. To three ferrets who are the apple of my but only one is NOT on a twice daily medical schedule that relies heavily on timing and careful monitoring. Between 4-6 hours of play time for the ferrets, and daily walks and/or excercise/play in the yard with the dogs. I feel a huge gap with any loss of an animal. Not just for the loss of their life, and what they give me. I often find my self amazed at how much extra time I have. But this is me.
I have found to betray who I am by denying any part of who I am is hurts me. I suffer on the job. I withdraw and become angry. I slowly die from the inside out. To embrace it is to embrace myself. One helluva lot better than living a lie.
Comment by Kristy B — October 15, 2008 @ 8:04 am