pet connection

This morning brought a lovely piece on a funeral for Wendy, an Army dog who’d served with distinction:

Military working dogs are provided honors at their burial service because the Army considers them soldiers.

A firing party shot off 21 rounds, a bugler played taps and the flag was unfolded and then folded over the spot where her cremated remains were placed.

Besides having a rank, always one grade higher than their handler, military working dogs have a service number and can receive decorations.

Wendy was awarded an Army Commendation Medal by the commander of the 10th Mountain Division for her work as an explosive detecting dog while serving in Afghanistan.

Sleep well, Wendy. You earned your rest.

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After you’ve been driving a vehicle a while, you get a sense of the person it has been designed for. Soccer moms, of course, and then richer soccer moms and soccer moms who don’t want to look like soccer moms. Twenty-something snowboarders/skateboarders/mountain bikers. Guys who want everyone to know that they are NOT poorly endowed, just look at the size of this, um, SUV. And then, of course, there are middle-aged single-women with dogs, like … uh … me.

After a few days driving the Land Rover L3, I knew exactly who the target audience was:

Dick Cheney.

In other words, it’s the perfect vacation home vehicle for someone older, rich and powerful, who expects luxury, demands toughness and is fully prepared to push everyone else the bloody hell out of his way. The Land Rover L3 (test model at a tick over $56K) even has a Cheney-esque sneer on its face, in the way it brings up the hallogen headlights with a look of sheer superiority. And in how it packs in all its luxuries — navigation system, alpaca-trimmed heated leather seats and more — with grudging contempt for anyone who’d want them. Listen up, wimps! I’m a serious off-roader with a grand Imperial tradition. You want heated seats? Fine! But you’re going to get sixteen different ways to get over that snow-covered ridge, you got that, pal?!

The L3 is a pretty flawless as an upscale dogmobile, although if your dog’s an older one you’ll need a ramp to get him up into it, because the off-road chops means this SUV’s pretty darn high off the ground. (As for people, well, let me just say don’t try to get into that alpaca butt warmer if you’re wearing a long, slender skirt. You can’t, without some inelegant hiking and exhibitionism.) The tailgate is the two-part kind I love, with the glass flipping up and the tailgate flipping down. Seats fold flat, there’s ample cargo room for the muddy hunting dog a fellow with 6,000 acres of well-stocked Montana hunting land would surely have. (Hey, if it’s good enough for the Queen’s corgis, it’s good enough for the Veep’s hunting hounds, no?)

Pretty perfect rich-guy dogmobile all around, except for one little problem: The yellow button.

On the center console are many of the buttons having to do with various four-wheel options one never faces in most of California, such as driving through snow storms. Smack dab in the middle of the cluster is a yellow button that puts the vehicle into cliff-climbing mode. Great if you’re in an action adventure movie, and you’ve just woken up from being drugged to discover your back wheels are at the edge of a crumbling cliff. If that’s your case, no worries! Push the yellow button and the forces of good are trumphant! You’re on your way to a happy ending!

But, be driving down a suburban boulevard when your beautiful, wimpy little Sheltie steps on the yellow button and you may end up tail-ended. We were not, but just because of pure dumb luck. The Land Rover rolled its shoulders, cracked its knuckles and shifted rapidly down into cliff-climbing mode, a move that involved a 30 mph drop in speed. In other words, OH MY GOD! Why they put this there, I have no idea. Maybe your friends and family aren’t as nosy than mine, but I can honestly imagine most of them saying “what’s THIS for?” and pushing the thing. (Hello, Sonia!)

Bottom line: Got a ranch in Montana, a cliff to climb, an extra $60K or you’re in line for the English throne or a top GOP office, you’ll love the Land Rover L3, and the dogs will, too. But whatever you do, DON’T TOUCH THE YELLOW BUTTON!

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We don’t often engage in shameless self-promotion here on the Pet Connection blog, but we figure as long as people are out shopping for gifts, we would be neglecting an important Public Service if we didn’t mention some you can order from us.

Of course, our top suggestion is a copy of one of our best-selling books, “Why Do Dogs Drink Out of the Toilet?” and “Do Cats Always Land on Their Feet?” We wrote them to entertain and educate any pet-lovers, and at $12.95 each, they’re the perfect price for a stocking stuffer or stand-alone gift for the pet-lover on your list. Give one to your veterinarian! Your groomer! Your pet-sitter!

We also have some fun goods affiliated with our UniversityofWoof and UniversityofMeow quiz sites. You can get T-shirts, sweatshirts, coffee cups, mousepads and more from our shop on CafePress. And don’t forget to take the quizzes, one for dog-lovers, one for cat-lovers. How much do you know about your pets? Find out, and share with your friends.

Finally, the freebies: We’re still holding weekly drawings. Right now, every weekly winner will get a year’s free subscription to 1-800-HELP-4-PETS, a 24/7 pet-rescue service. We’ve know the folks behind this company since the very beginning, and can vouch for their love of pets.

That’s the scoop: Get clicking!

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Tomorrow I’ll review the Land Rover L3, which I’ve been driving for the last few days. In the meantime, here are the vehicles that are coming my way before the end of the year. If you have any questions on any of them I can help answer, please let me know. All the vehicles are 2007 models now:

• Dodge Grand Caravan, with Stow and Go seating
• Nissan Xterra 4×4
• Jeep Compass Limited 4×4
• Subaru B9 Tribeca

Not sure about the Compass — the media person said it might be a little small for dogs. But hey, everyone doesn’t have a pack of retrievers as I do, so it’s good to drive everything that’s more versatile than a four-door family sedan.

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The AP has a video report on the problems with the exotic pet trade, especially the importation of wild animals such as gambian rats.

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