pet connection

The mainstream media have recently discovered that good veterinary care is expensive, and that medical insurance for pets is as a result getting at least a look from many more pet-lovers than ever before. I have seen at least three pieces on pet health insurance in the last month, and through newspaper wire services, one of these pieces has been in almost every newspaper in the country as a result. The excellent Web site The Urban Hound has done a comparison study, as well.

For some people, of course, any money spent on pets (not to mention pet health insurance) is ridiculous. They’re “just” animals, after all, say these cold-hearted chuckleheads, arguing that “pet freaks” have gone over the top.

But I really had to laugh this morning at a piece in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch by Cynthia Billhartz Gregorian, in which people complain that other people talk about pets the way parents talk about children. They seem to think this devalues their precious two-legged darlings:

When one began talking about raising her teenage son, another friend at the table, who doesn’t have children, chimed in with an elaborate story about her dog’s mischievousness. The friend with the son became visibly irritated.

“I’m sorry, but it’s insulting that you would compare your dog to my son,” she said. “They’re not the same.”

[...]

Who knows why pet owners have decided that Fido and Fluffy are fodder for conversations about child-rearing. Perhaps they don’t realize what they’re implying. Or maybe parents are mistakenly inferring comparisons, when none is intended. And could it be that spinning long cat yarns and detailed doggy tales are a way to turn the tables on parents who prattle on about how precious or, worse, precocious, their toddlers are?

Ding ding ding! We have a winner! A five-minute conversation over the holiday weekend with someone I’m related to — no names, please, but we have the same parents — has driven me to order the bumper sticker shown here, from here.

See, this person’s children are phenomenally perfect. Brilliant, talented, athletic. Destined to go to the finest universities, if only they can choose between them and then further choose between the academic and athletic scholarships they’ll surely be offered. Full ride, of course.

Look, they’re nice kids. They’re good kids. But … they’re normal kids. And it doesn’t seem possible for moderately affluent parents to have normal kids any more.

So when I talk about my dogs to people who aren’t interested, it’s not because I think they’re children — on the contrary, I like having pets because I know they’re animals not because I think they’re furry people. Rather, I pipe up because there are days when if I have to hear one more time how some college coach was sniffing around an 8-year-old soccer player or how some choir teacher offered helpfully that a 12-year-old has a future in opera, I will scream.

As my (other) brother the teacher says: Kids, I love. Parents, not so much.

The same often goes for people with pets, by the way. Animals, I love. The people who gush on about them, well … give us all a break, will you?

A little bragging goes a long, long way, no matter what you’re bragging about.

And besides, only my pets are perfect. If you have a few minutes, I’ll tell you how much.